Life and My own Mid Life Reflections
71© Duchess O’Blunt, 2010; all rights reserved.
Mid Life Crisis - did you make it through that?
You know about these things. If you are younger, you’ve heard many people use this as an excuse for doing something wild and crazy, or for not doing something wild and crazy. You shake your head and swear you are going to be better than that.
If you are creeping on up to that time in your life you are wondering how you are going to handle it, and you’re sure you will handle it better than Miss So and So did.
If you are there, you might just be wondering what you did with your life, and now are scrambling to get to all those things on your bucket list.
If you have passed that stage in your life – CONGRATULATIONS! And please be sure to leave a comment so I can come over to your hubs and congratulate you in person, while I not so subtly try to pry all the secrets out of you.
- What Not to Do When You Are Having a Midlife Crisis
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What is a midlife crisis and is it a bad thing? Part of a definition of midlife crisis is "a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" of life, as a result of...
Was it Earth Shattering? Life Altering?
Is it easy to see it coming, this mid-life "moment"? Is it an earth shattering space in time when all things change as a result? Or has it been creeping up on you for awhile, unnoticed, just waiting to pounce?
I have enjoyed some of my favorite hubbers describe the mid life crisis of their friends and loved ones. The braver ones have even told their own stories. Some of the tales are entertaining, some are educational and some you have to think they really had an "ah ha!" moment that changed things. It was inspiration for me to attempt to do something similar – if not as well done.
Everyone deals with this differently I'm sure - me I'd like to avoid it altogether. But I am there. I didn't have an "ah ha!" moment, just the realization of my own mortality and that I really have to stop dreaming about doing what I want to do and just do it! I spend way too much time contemplating the serious and very little time on the fun. I'd rather be having fun, but my mind has a mind of it's own most days and wanders back to the serious contemplations.
I can often be found staring off into space while pretending to function. My brain will float by on cruise control and all bodily functions are performed on auto pilot as I let my mind drift and wonder around questions like; what do my kids really think of me?
Now answer this for me, who in her right mind would really want an answer to that question? That’s just inviting trouble. You know there are times that they love you to pieces - there are also times when they hate you just as passionately. And personally, I would just dwell on the unpleasant parts and would not be able to get passed that to the good parts. I’d be busy building my own defenses and forget about the fact that they love me to pieces – mostly.
There, this is a perfect example of the mind wondering. Now I am arguing with myself - should I delete this and start again? Nah, you old bat – you’d forget what you wanted to say. Hmm, what was it I wanted to say anyway?
You see what I mean?
Being True to Yourself
As in all things in life, all the stages one must journey through, it is imperative that we each stay true to ourselves. There is no point in trying to be what you think someone else wants you to be. You can only pretend an interest that's not really there for so long before it becomes crystal clear you have been lying. That only hurts everyone involved.
With such deep thoughts rolling around the grey matter between the ears, I figure - it's about time I sit down and write something because writing is being true to myself.
I am taking a look at where I have been, what I think I have accomplished, where I would like to be, and what things I would like to see disappear - and I am not talking about people, but about situations I'd like to change.
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Accomplishments
I think sometimes the mid-life crisis thing hits us because we spend so much time wondering what have we accomplished. Have we accomplished anything worthwhile?
I'm damn good at my job, have managed to provide a good home and can be counted on when it's needed.
I'm not rich in terms of money, but I certainly am in terms of love.
I'm not famous in terms of the world knowing who I am - but I am well known and loved by my husband, children, family and friends.
I have never made any big discoveries or inventions even though I'm sure some of them are my idea. I do have the privilege of being there for my loved ones to confide in, cry with and share their joys with.
Those things may not seem like much to some, but I consider them accomplishments on a very large scale.
What do I want?
Isn't that a loaded question?
I guess I would like the time to finish the important things I have started. I want life to be filled with love and laughter, good health and grandchildren.
What do I NOT want?
I'd like to get rid of excuses, debt, stress, diets and working for someone else. Not much is it?
My Bucket List
- Write and have my novel published
- Make money as a writer
- At least a month in Scotland
- Take a cruise
- The Grand Tour
- Fly to Paris for the weekend
- Learn more about everything!
What do I want to leave behind?
- Children and grandchildren
- A better place. Not huge global issues, but a better place that I have touched and better people that I have loved.
- Fond memories, and grand stories
- Something that future generations or historians would be proud to write in their family history
I'm Sure I'll Make it Through
My mid-life crisis is not earth shattering. But I know this . . . looking on the other side of 50 changes my opinion on what is important. I'll work with that.
I'm not interested in making those wild and crazy changes because for the most part, I have stayed true to myself. I'll keep my man, my kids, my family and friends. There is no point in changing what works.
Today when I look at that mature lady in the mirror, I am grateful for most things. I'd have to say I wouldn't change anything because everything I have done has brought me to this point, and I'm lucky enough to say I like it here. Although I will admit I would be happy without the arthritis or the wrinkles, and the grey hairs could hold off for a few more years without breaking my heart.
To answer my own questions; I haven't had a mid-life "moment' or made any earth shattering discoveries. It has been a gradual understanding of me. No "ah ha!" moments, but certainly confirmation of where I'd like to go from here.
I am certain I will make it through, learning as I go. I've decided to change the "Mid-life Crisis" from a crisis to a process. Won't you join me?
Mid-Life
How do you view what so many call "Mid-Life"?
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"Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all."
I think we're close in age - maybe. (57) I'm not a believer in the mid-life crisis thing, preferring to live a life of acceptance instead. Part of the problem for many is the idealisation of youth in our culture, and the resultant grief of leaving it behind (as though we hadn't already.) I like the old lady I see in the mirror and find her as beautiful as she was at eighteen -- just not eighteen any more. And I've always seen life as something like a book: turn the page to a new chapter.
The whole "mid-life crisis" is a non-existent problem. All our lives we've changed, moved on, grown. And it is also a misnomer, for surely mid-life is in our mid to late thirties not in our fifties. (How many 114 year old women have you met?)
While it is true our time is growing shorter in which to accomplish our dreams, why didn't we feel the need earlier? So how important are these goals? If we haven't already attended them, perhaps they are not as dear to us as popular myth makes them.
Go and grow, Duchess, but forget about having a crisis. To what purpose? You've been changing since the day you were born and will stop only the day you die.
Barbara...
It is amazing how hard on ourselves we can be sometimes. Paradoxically, we forget that perfection is born from flaws being overcome, learnt and not being dwelt upon again. I am analyzing your article from the outside, and I can see you have accomplished a whole lot. I have come to terms with my evolution as a human being through the years, bit by bit. When I decided to let flow and relaxed and laughed more, everything started clicking like magic. I feel the most important things are: Attitude and Gratitude. Everything else stems from there.
Great input! Thumbs up!
warmest regards and blessings,
Al
Ha,ha Duchess to you and all above---(THE BEST IS YET TO COME)
HA! I was just thinking recently, as it has been nagging me, that I am now in my 50's, and always have excuses for not doiing this or that, and both my mate and I chatted about both of us doing this; didn't realize it was a mid life crisis. I want to leave something beautiful behind, such as inspiring people through my writings, this is being true to myself. This article is very timely, so thank you! :)
I think you're a doll, and hey, midlife isn't so bad. I mean remember when everything was sooooo intense and chaotic? Drama all around!
At least now we have time to relax a bit!
Laurel
Duchess thank you for a thought provoking article. I think its all about poking your head up in the air like a ground hog and checking things out occasionally, even if it's only to see how big a shadow you're projecting. As the famous kid, now midlifer himself said: "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Your shadow has touched me Duchess and I'm the better for it.
I am just grateful for what is at this time in my life. I don't worry much about things any more as I always get what I need. Very interesting hub.
I like that you entitled it Mid life reflections than out and out mid life crisis! I love your lists be it bucket or things left behind! Great hub, Duchess, and you are very honest! A trait to be admired!
I think most people stop to take stock of their lives when they touch 40 or 50 but very few are lucky to discover what it is they really want! You have some very workable 'wants' DOB...all the best with them! :)
You are concern with the mid life crisis in the way of making a life worthwhile. But what I realized at this age of my life is that the crisis of a life starts at the very outset sometimes with understanding and sometimes with without understanding. Every moment is a moment of crisis for life. To make a life worthwhile what is said in school curriculum that one should follow strictly the virtue of discipline and perseverance and try to keep the self in good environment was the correct approach of life. We understand all these virtues only in the later stage of our life.
Hey Duchess. Is it belated or advance 50th birthday? I'm still years away from mid-life crisis (I'll be 50 this year) but if ever I reach that age, I'll remember this hub of yours and get inspiration from it :).
Ooopppps, sorry about that. I meant I'll be 35 this year. My fault.
I read you today because of this title, it's an area I have pondered much recently, and it produced two hubs that more of less explain where I am.
I'm comfortable,with myself, but see many areas where change would be better fo my family, I'd like to see my son and daughter married, the son could be possible, he's 20, but no dating as far as I know, the daughters a mite more tricky as she is 8 yeas old and I'm 58!
Apart from that I think it's time that I stopped waiting for a request to say what I think to the world, and just told it as it is, warts and all.
We have no idea who may be reading our hubs in the future, and it's possible that with the internet we may be readable long past our demises.
That's both exhilarating and frightening at the same time!
Good hub, glad you wrote it!
John
Help-I'm having a "late-life" crisis! Great hub. There will always be a crisis. Life is a knot. The truth starts to unravel at some point. While "up to this point", we didn't question. We were too busy. Now we can see the present and part of the future. Thanks
It all does go by so very quickly - but I always say being here and at least suffering a midlife crisis surely beats the alternative. I think we all reevaluate from time to time and that is good - gets us perhaps where we need to be in the future. Hope so!
Great hub! My husband is at this point in life, and since I am ten years younger, I find it hard to comprehend. This was eye opening for me, so thank you!
Duchess, I think you titled your hub right. I preferred to call it a mid-life review. When I was young I never thought I was old or even middle age. Turning 40 was just another day because I decided a long time ago that 50 was the red letter day! You can imagine my consternation on my 50th birthday!
I made a list of the things that were truly important to me. As a result I went to college and got my BS after I was 50. There are some other goals I have put to the front of my agenda. My point is that if there is something you really wanted to do; I think you should do it. Think about the things that matter so you will have no regrets when you really are old.
Hope this makes sense. Blessings! and, I really loved the hub!
Terrific hub, I'm glad you put it out there without a lot of editing, and right from the heart. Me, I'm 52, and some days I just can't believe I'm that old, I feel like a kid really, and other days, I feel as old as the hills. Over the hill, and heading toward the sun. I know just what you mean about being of two minds about aging.
A lovely hub indeed! Like it or not, the crisis will hit home, and we must deal with it, however we can. The game seem to be changing with age being shifted and Hollywood defining it for us. Hello! I'm done with it, and survived it, thank God! Yes, life is sweeter, more yummy, like aged wine. I'd like to share this among my friends in Facebook, if that's ok.
Being days away from 40 and noticing those fine lines forming around my mouth and eyes and the grays I can no longer ignore. It was when my youngest started kindergarten last fall that I started to question and reflect on where life was heading and what I really wanted. My birthday present which I have been given already is a MacBook to accomplish my writers dream...from my more than supportive husband (sometimes he has more faith in me than I do). I wouldn't change a thing about my life or things that have happened and the people and places I have known along the way. Of course like you they have made me the person that I am good or bad.
I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks about these things. Thanks for sharing your reflections. Makes me feel not so alone.
Duchess OBlunt - I really love the title of your hub. As I learned early on in my life that the meaning of crisis was an opportunity to change. I learned to welcome it. And midlife what a better time for reflections. There's no time like the present.
At 52, I am content and feel as though my life has just really begun. Sometimes, I feel like my life has been backwards from the start.
As a child I was an adult, as an adult I'm like a child, discovering new things everyday. A while back I remember reflecting on my life and thinking, I could die tomorrow and I really think I would be o.k. with that. It would be sad and I would miss many things, but I look around me everyday and realize just how blessed I am.
I am blessed with a loving caring husband, two beautiful daughters, two really terrific son- in -laws and 3 grandchildren.
I couldn't ask for anything more. As I write quite often, my happiest time is just being. Being present and fully aware of the moment.
Do I struggle with the aches and pains of physically growing older you bet I do. But I also joined a gym and have been very active. Something I have never been able to do in my entire life. I hate to exercise, I guess I'm determined to fight it.
I'm just rambling at this point and not even sure if I have made any sense.
I really enjoyed your hub and found your thoughts interesting. Thanks for sharing and enjoy the rest of your life. You sound like you have a very beautiful family.
Till next time,
Sage
" I have never made any big discoveries or inventions even though I'm sure some of them are my idea. I do have the privilege of being there for my loved ones to confide in, cry with and share their joys with."
Let me say Duchess we are on the same page on this one. When I look back I don't find much to my credit except for being an unconditionally loving Mom and I guess I'm happy with that. If my child looks up to me, my purpose is fulfilled. Somehow, the other aspects of my life (including my career) gradually lost importance so much so that now, nothing else matters. I'm sure many of your fans / readers (including me) would easily relate to you as far as mid life crisis is concerned. Sooner or later we all go through it. Thanks for a wonderful read.
"Being true to yourself", I think that is where the crisis part comes in for those who wake up and don't know who they are when the realization of the passage of time hits. Sometimes women are so deeply involved in caring for everyone else and trying to keep up with all demands of the day that we get lost for awhile. The kids eventually leave, the job has lost its appeal or is gone altogether and then what. Now the reflections and panic start to set in. It is a time of transition into our more inner selves and to move forward with more focus and value of time. We are blessed with awareness and contentment in simplicity.
Bravo to Smireles.
Mystique..."Attitude and Gratitude"..so true.
Ginn Navarre..."The Best is yet to come"....I believe it.
Mickey Dee..."Life is a knot"....love it.
Yes, Duchess, we will all make it through, learning and growing in the process. It looks like you wrote the bucket for me. Great thoughts, so glad I stopped by. Thanks for the link.
No mid life crisis for me either, just ambling along towards old age I guess.
Very interesting Read Duchess.
I like what you wrote about being True to yourself. I think we should see "Mid Life" as a positive change. The next step to a better era. I look at your Avatar and still see a lovely, young Duchess.
Well done on all you've accomplished in life so far. Some people haven't accomplished half of it.
Everything in your Bucket list is just the beginning of an exciting new life - waiting to open up to a lot more interesting, exciting, mind-blowing, fulfilling things.
Best Wishes. :)
great hub made me really think. I have had several midlife crisis and each time i thought it would be the last. Twice divorced I had to change my life and go another path. As one gets older you realize that you must be true to yourself. However I do have regrets the times I have hurt people or choosen to start a new life. Every growth has its cost. I believe that each of us have more than one soulmate in this life and that one must be careful not to try to experience all of them that come your way. Its better to acknowledge them but to try and stay true to your previous committment, as in another life or in future life you will be able to experience anything that you left behind. I choose not to have any children and i believe the novels and short stories i have written are an alternative to living vicariously through your children. My stories replace that instinct, my legacy i hope will be my novels that show my journey through a life of a child of the seventies and all the growing pains that came with being a feminist and all the things i gave up in my pursuit of freedom and finding out who i was. It was a wonderful time for women who were becoming a force to be reckoned with, who sometimes chose to remain childless so they could have the energy to have a career and to be free to go where they wanted and with who they choose. I believe now is the time for men to adjust to the world where women are empowered and men should try to empower their wives and daughters which is has shown to uplift societies.
Looking back on my life i am proud that i have loved the people that i can and that i have been their for my families, that i lived an exiciting life.
I have been using a mac for about two years now so I am used to the programs. The avatar pic is a cypress swamp near my home. I thought it looked really incongruent with snow in it. My husband took the pic during our "winter storm"...That's what they call a couple of inches down here.
I really enjoyed your hub!
Well, I guess I am older than you guys...at bit, I think. Yes I am a boomer and I have been through many changes. With my career in mortgage lending practically ending after 30+ years...I am adjusting to being at home. Never thought about retiring at this time..it is called the 'meltdown'and moving back to the country in MS. So that is why I discovered writing online. Yes, I had always wanted to write..so sometimes we face the unexpected to be allowed to follow a dream. No, I am not perfect but you guys are suppose to tell me my errors because I am older than you and you need to help me!!!!! hee, hee
Great hub and I enjoyed reading...we all have a path and each change is where we learn and grow and begin again.
Linda
Great work, I'm not there yet, but maybe I will be better prepaid when it comes. I will just try to keep having fun then I don't have to worry about being disappointed.
My most depressing time was turning 45. I woke up that day and thought, "what was that all about?" I counted my blessings and give thanks for each new day. I am much more comfortable and relaxed with every passing birthday. Enjoy life, it's better than the alternative! :o)
"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."~Samuel Ullman
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."~Chili Davis
"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.~Doug Larson
Mine is overdue - I'm 51! Great hub!
I think every milestone is a "mid-life" crisis, especially for Boomers who never expected to live past 30 in the first place.
The day each of my children went off to kindergarten, for instance, was a collision with mortality - I was no longer "Mommy", but officially a *parent*. A grown up. Egads! Delivering the youngest daughter to college (and having to leave her there!) was also earth-shattering.
For women with children at least, an empty nest is perhaps more of a mid-life crisis than a 40-something man suddenly realizing he has more hair in his ears than on his head and tries to turn back the clock by dumping the wife for a younger model and/or buying a shiny red sports car.
In that respect, I think women handle aging much better than men; they accept that they won't look the same at 50 as they did at 20.
As for accomplishments, none of my children are in prison, but settled and leading productive lives. And I took the dream trip years ago. ;D
Mid life crisis is just a name applied to that period of reflection that many go through in that 50ish period. If your reflections make you uncomfortable that might be a call to action. Might be time to reinvent your self. If those reflections make you smile, then amble on.
I expect for most it's a combination of feelings, but the uncomfortable ones stick out and stick on. If you are in that reflection period, you can't deny it, so roll with it. It's not a matter of thinking positively or thinking negatively but more a matter of thinking reflectively. Seems pretty natural to me.
I can handle whatever life throws my way at this point, except suffering. I don't suffer well. I find life to be ever more fascinating and incredible. It's hard to imagine a more intriguing and challenging world than this one. You'll be fine. :-)
As I get older, I have seen women who have gone through mid-life crisis. I was amazed, I guess I was programmed by the world, that only men went through this. Understanding now, that it can affect men or women.
Hi, I only came over to read your other one, and I can't stop reading! LOL this was great, and I know what you mean. I am going towards being 'older' kicking and screaming!! no, seriously I have learned as I have got older, not to worry about other peoples opinions so much. I used to spend so much time worrying about other peoples ideas about me, now I just say, forget it. thanks nell
Life is many things. Of course you know this already. Being happy is a good goal. Being comfortable when you can, and sharing happiness is always a plus. God Bless You.
Love the title. Reflection is a warm nice word. One we can embrace. Which is what we should do as we grow older. Embrace and reflect. Our attitude makes it so much easier to get through the stages of life.
Enjoyed reading your hub!
What an enjoyable read. I kinda went through the mid 50's crisis until I turned 60 and realized HEY I'm still here and stronger than ever. I put everything into it's proper perspective and simply endorsed myself, accepting ME finally for who I am, not what I may or may not have accomplished.
I wake up each morning, rub my eyes, welcome the daylight into my room and say thank you world for giving me another day. Plant both my feet firmly on the floor, stretch, go for my morning pee:0) and feel thankful that I am able to squirt without any pain, telling me my prostrate is still fine.
Look at my mug in the mirror and tell it. I love you, then make my java and go on loving the world the rest of the day. You see, I don't chase anymore dreams, I just be me and live each day like it's my last. It's tough but there are no more dreams and careers to chase, so one must come to grips with mortality and share what we have left with others.
It's still a beautiful world, even with it's ugliness looming around every corner. However we must do our best and trying to leave some kind of legacy of good I believe is important. Helping others achieve their goals and aspirations is a good thing to.
Hi Duchess, I came across this article of yours and really like it. It's also quite enlightening seeing other peoples comments on this subject. I like to think i've done things in recent years that previously i wouldn't have done. Just small things, but things i probably wouldn't have attempted before. But rather than see it as a midlife crisis i tend to think of it as just doing things i should have been doing anyway, and getting older helps you to realise that it's only yourself that regrets things that you end up not doing. Thanks. Michael.
Ah, My Madame Duchess, you do write things that make us all take a good poke at ourselves. Whether it's the "ah-ha" moment, or a gradual awakening, I think the crisis is a darned good thing to have. For many of us (myself included), I think we'd prefer our enlightenment had come somewhat sooner...but then perhaps we wouldn't have had the maturity to appreciate it. By the way "my mind has a mind of its own" TOO good!! Thanks for this hub, m'lady :)TR
You're a Duchess in every sense of the word. Great Hub. Thanks for sharing.
















































suziecat7 Level 5 Commenter 2 years ago
Great Hub. I think I just want to simplify in these years. And accept each day as what it is. And thank God a little more. Thanks from a fellow mid-lifer.